From Trev's straight guy pal

Dear fans and friends of Trev:

Jason here. I'm a straight guy who is friends with Trev "in real life." He is my best friend, and I'm proud as hell of him.

I thought this was a very important passage from Trev's post on the Tyler Clementi tragedy:

Like I said, I was there once. Actually a few times. In my case, when I broke down and told my straight college roommate that I was attracted to men, specifically him, and that I couldn't take my infatuation with him anymore...he held me. It was something he'd never done before nor wanted to. He assured me of his steadfast friendship. He bought me lunch, listened to me, and prayed with me too. Our relationship was sometimes strained after that, though we were doing pretty well five years later when I served as best man at his wedding. But what I noticed most was that when my heart found genuine friendship with this guy, my sexual imagination didn't fixate on him very much anymore.

In fact, I've been blessed to find that real friendships with other men give me in reality what my libido is looking for in fantasy.

Yes, I know that's not the gay experience you're used to hearing. It's still mine and I wish I could have talked with Tyler Clementi about it and listened to him talk about his. I would have told him that there is more for guys like us. There can be friendship, insight, adventure, unselfish love, and forgiveness if you want to look for it. There's so much more than doom.

Although I am not the straight guy described above, I have known Trev for a number of years, and we were already good friends before he told me about his same-sex attraction. I was in my early 20s living on my own for the first time then, getting a lot of first dates with women but not a lot of second ones. My initial reaction was to be thoroughly weirded out, because like the other guy, this revelation of Trev’s came along with his confession of a painful infatuation with me that he wanted a way out of. He only told me because he was desperate for a way out of the pit he described finding himself in.

Many would have told Trev the solution to his dilemma was to “come out” to the world as gay at that point. I told him myself that I’d be more comfortable with the situation if at least other friends of ours knew, and the situation put a strain on our friendship. I know he felt particularly ashamed to find himself in such a circumstance for a second time. We struggled through it, but we remained friends. Eventually I came to appreciate the pressure Trev was under from trying to follow Christian values in the face of what the culture is telling us. I also came to understand that what Trev really needed was a genuine friend.

What I now understand (and take to heart as a dad) is that normal male bonding is critical to emotionally-stable boys and men. It's why fathers are so important to young boys and why male-bonding is so important as men pass through their teenage years and into adulthood. I'm glad to see Fox News' Steven Crowder gets this too. And it's an example of how sick our culture is that fatherhood is only now coming back into vogue after decades of being trashed in movies and on tv. I'm especially offended at how male-bonding is mocked as being proto-gay activity (the truth, I think, is more the reverse).

I’m glad Trev trusted me despite the rough patch that followed. I’m honored that in Trev’s life he chooses good friendships like ours over "coming out." I also now agree with him that it wouldn't be in his best interest - if he were to be out to the world, it could impact his career, in addition to him having the debate forced on him all the time instead of being able to compose his thoughts in writing.

The truth is Trev is “out” to hundreds of people by now. Despite some unfortunate misfires (I’ve witnessed a few), Trev shares this part of himself with people he can trust who share his values on manhood, brotherhood, and sexual morality.

So, my job is to be a normal friend to Trev. And his job is to be my friend. We help one another through the daily challenges of life and we’re ready to be there for each other in life-or-death crises.